This is one of the most bored/depressing weekends. I don’t know if it is the weather today or the recent happenings in my life or a sum of all these that makes me feel blank today. I felt like crying and I thought twice before I just wrote “I felt like crying”. Shouldn’t I have put up a Macho face or a smiley face here instead of writing that?
Why is it so that when you are depressed you do not think about all the blessings that you have but what you do not have? Why is it so that you don’t thank God for the present and worry about the future? Why is it so that you want to hold your pain to yourself and not share it even with your close ones?
But I am thankful for all the wonderful people out there. Friends who SMSed me, called me, emailed me and said “you can talk to me if you feel like it“. Some of them are people whom I never met in my life. I’m also thankful to those who did not call, as I had written to them not to call because I did not feel like talking back then. I am also thankful to my mother who understood me and supported me throughout the recent events.
I have lost much focus on these days. I have lost my day dreams of the future and I need to come back to it. So now I am sitting up here and jotting down things just to remind myself of the things that I think I should do, or I think I want to do, I need to do or things that I really want to do. This is a self-notice post, so it may not be interesting to you at all.
- I want to do more with music. I want to do a music album. Composed and sung by myself. I want to give it my best shot. And as I remain an amateur singer, I would probably name it “The Bathroom Album“. 🙂
- I want to do another album where I would only compose songs and get my friends and other music bloggers to sing the songs in it.
- I want to get a job that would let me come home at the end of every workday. I envy people who can go home on every evening after the day’s work. But I think I should consider many other factors before I decide on this.
- I think I should learn how to be happy with the present situation (on all fronts – personal and professional) while not being stuck with it for a long time.
- I think I should stop feeling too much homesick.
- In a few years’ time, I want to stop working for companies and do business of my own. I want to start a web services company. I want to start it by myself and then slowly extend it to a small sized company of 10-20 over the years and keep it growing.
- I think I need to invest some more of my free time to achieve the above. I think I need to expand freelancing a bit more and get a steady flow of clients. Work on a bit hectic night schedules for a better future.
- I want to live and work in Bangalore for a couple of years.
- I want to live and work in a foreign country for a few months or a couple of years.
- I want to try different professions than IT, but need to check if it pays enough to pay my bills.
- I want to become a Radio Jockey.
- I want to get off Internet, job and take a very long vacation. I want to go on a trip, visit many places in India like Delhi, Bombay, Shimla, Kolkota, Haridwar, Jaipur etc. I might visit some of these places in the near future. I aso want to visit Africa, America, France, Germany, Russia, England and Switzerland (I have no particular reason why I mentioned these places).
- I want to fall in love. I should not force myself to it and it should happen naturally, even without me knowing that it is happening.
- I need to prioritize the above mentioned things and read it everyday and do a fact check on a half-yearly and yearly basis.
And I feel so much relieved after writing this! 🙂